


The Wrong Feelings, The Right Choices

by rinnenotsubasa



Series: Playlist [6]
Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Office, Dealing With Loss, M/M, Post-Break Up, but no one's dead i swear
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-25
Updated: 2020-02-25
Packaged: 2021-02-28 00:28:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,045
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22894900
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rinnenotsubasa/pseuds/rinnenotsubasa
Summary: Minghao didn’t choose to have feelings for his ex.Ruth Sahanaya-Keliru
Relationships: Jeon Wonwoo/Wen Jun Hui | Jun, Jeon Wonwoo/Xu Ming Hao | The8
Series: Playlist [6]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/895056
Comments: 12
Kudos: 39





	The Wrong Feelings, The Right Choices

**Author's Note:**

> The song that inspired this is in Indonesian, though I’m not sure if my Indonesian readers know it. It’s an old song. I was 5 years old when it was released, too young to understand the lyrics, but the melody got stuck in my head that I put it into my playlist now as an adult.

It was just like Xu Minghao remembered. The way Jeon Wonwoo’s eyes sparkled beyond those glasses, the scrunching of his tall nose as he laughed, exactly the way it was in Minghao’s memory. It had been more than a year since Minghao saw that laugh in person. 

Minghao’s aching heart urged him to move his feet forward, getting closer to that endearing laughter he had missed. But Minghao always listened to his head more than he did to his heart, so he stopped after two steps.

He already knew that he would be seeing Wonwoo again after he came back from Singapore. After all they worked in the same company, despite not belonging to the same department. Minghao worked under the Business Development, while Wonwoo was in Legal Affairs. His 15-months assignment to develop A-ST Department Store in Singapore was over and now he’s back in Seoul, back to Wonwoo, but not back together.

_ Stop. _ Minghao told himself.  _ You ended it. _ The voice inside his head was firm and Minghao knew that following it was the best option, despite not always free of pain.

As Minghao froze on his spot in the corridor, Wonwoo turned his face. The latter widened his eyes in recognition and stopped on his tracks, making him left behind by his two colleagues. One of them, a woman with shoulder-length hair noticed and called the other one, a grey-haired man, to stop and check out on their co-worker. Minghao could see Wonwoo’s lips mouthing what were probably words of reassurance, and then the three parted ways. To Minghao’s surprise, Wonwoo walked towards him with a huge smile and easy steps as if Minghao wasn’t the one who broke his heart last year.

“You’re back!” said Wonwoo as he stopped in front of Minghao, a bit too far than when they were still together. But still, Wonwoo was smiling. Minghao was grateful that Wonwoo welcomed his return with positive attitude, though that didn’t cease the pang of guilt in Minghao’s chest.

“First day.” Minghao answered. He tried to reply the smile but the weight in his chest made it hard to do. So he ended up giving Wonwoo his business smile instead. Pathetic.

“Good to see you here. You should’ve contacted me.” Minghao couldn’t help but widened his eyes at Wonwoo’s words, and that made Wonwoo let out a chuckle.

“Come on, we were friends, right? Before, you know, but--Right?” Wonwoo looked sheepish, probably embarrassed by the way he stumbled over his words. It’s not often that he did it. One of the rare occasions was the first time Minghao asked him out on a date.

The endearing sight combined with the fond memory evoked familiar feelings. Minghao had to gulp down every overflowing emotions.

“Yeah. Sorry about that.”

After promising Wonwoo that they’ll catch up sometimes, Wonwoo left with yet another smile. Minghao wasn’t sure he deserved it.

*******************

The first three weeks back in headquarter, Minghao was already busy with new projects. He didn’t mind it though; he loved working. Besides, he had enough time to catch up with Wonwoo as promised. 

It’s never just the two of them. Lunch with their fellow colleagues who joined the company in the same year, or coffee with mutual. Wonwoo once invited Minghao for meal with no one else, but Minghao quickly came up with work excuses. At least now Minghao knew that Pocky, Wonwoo’s beetle pet, had moved its favorite hanging out spot from the right side of the tank to the left side; Wonwoo knew that Minghao had picked up playing the flute because of his kid neighbor in Singapore. They had shared bits of each other’s life during the time were apart. Minghao shouldn’t want more than that.

He shouldn’t.

So now that he saw a brown-haired guy wrapping an arm around Wonwoo’s at the company anniversary party, Minghao shouldn’t feel bubbles of heat in his chest. He shouldn’t be disappointed at Wonwoo for failing to mention the guy during the past three weeks they were catching up. He shouldn’t be thinking of prying those fingers off Wonwoo’s arm.

He shouldn’t.

Minghao tried to busy himself with conversations and drinks, but his eyes eventually went back to the pair. At some point, he saw Wonwoo speaking to the guy with fond gaze before gently removing himself from the latter’s hold to move to the other side of the room. The guy smiled as he saw Wonwoo go and continued to talk with a woman in her late 40’s whom Minghao known as Mrs. Kim, Head of Human Resource.

Mrs. Kim's eyes glinted in recognition as her gaze met Minghao's. She waved at him and he felt it would be rude to only wave back, so he approached her and gave his greeting from close up. Wonwoo's date waited patiently as Minghao and Mrs. Kim exchanged pleasantries. 

"Junhui," the brown-haired man said as they introduced themselves. "Wen Junhui. Nice to meet you."

"Xu Minghao."

Minghao didn't expect Junhui to break  into a  wide smile and say,"Wonwoo's friend, Minghao?"

After several minutes of chat, Minghao found out that Wonwoo had told Junhui about him. But judging from the way Junhui was all-smiles and looked at ease, it seemed that Wonwoo left out the part where he and Minghao were dating for 2,5 years in his story to Junhui.

What’s worse than hiding the fact he’s the ex of Junhui’s boyfriend, Minghao had hoped Junhui would be an insufferable asshole before exchanging a single word with him. Now that they had spent a few minutes conversing, it’s crystal clear that it wasn’t the case. Minghao wasn’t as good as his senior Jeonghan in spotting fakes, but good enough to see that Junhui wasn’t feigning his pleasant demeanor.

Minghao also didn’t doubt Junhui’s “Nice talking with you” when Wonwoo came and excused themselves to introduce Junhui to Wonwoo’s colleagues. That was true, unlike Wonwoo’s smile when seeing Minghao and Junhui standing next to each other.

*******************

Minghao didn’t think he’d be struggling to re-adjust, but after four months back in Seoul, he had to face this truth. The autumn air that was once familiar now felt too cold. His body had adapted to the climate of Southeast Asia a little too well. Now he felt like wearing winter clothes to get through Korean’s autumn.

His heart also had a hard time accustoming to his current condition. The aching that filled a large part of it never left during his 15-months in Singapore, but at least it felt dull. Singapore gave him the distance and distractions he needed to move on with life without Wonwoo as his lover.

But here in Seoul, everything reminded him of what he had lost. At his old room Minghao would stare at the left side of his bed, his brain conjuring up the memory of Wonwoo sleeping, the beauty of his peaceful face. At the office he’d bump into Wonwoo because they had the same routine of arriving to the office at 8. Once in a while they would go hang out with mutual friends, and the conversation got so much fun, Minghao sometimes found himself and Wonwoo clutching their stomachs and cackling, knees touching.

Every single time Minghao had to muster all his will to turn away from the empty space in his bed; to stop himself from grabbing Wonwoo’s hand and playing with his fingers before Wonwoo steps off their building’s elevator, just like they used to do; to scoot away from Wonwoo in their seat so he wouldn’t get tempted to press their foreheads together and gaze into Wonwoo’s eyes.

It was hard and Minghao wasn’t sure he’d make it.

At first he thought Wonwoo had it easy. There’s always an air of composure around Wonwoo when they met, as if there were no lingering feelings left in his heart.  It’s cruel, but at times Minghao wished Wonwoo was suffering more.

But one night Minghao realized he was wrong. That day he and Wonwoo were hanging out at a yakiniku place owned by their friend. There were five of them surrounding a long table, Minghao and Wonwoo sitting on the same side. The two friends across them were engrossed in a discussion about politics, while the one sitting on Wonwoo’s right was focused on grilling meat. 

Minghao left his chopsticks on the plate in favor of a piece of photo. It was an old photo of their friend, the yakiniku owner, taken when he was 5. The incredibly cute portrait was shared in secret by their friend’s mother. Minghao took his time looking at it, didn’t even let Wonwoo press the sides of their body together to get a look. 

“Come on,” Wonwoo whined. Minghao just laughed and stretched his arm further to his left.

Unexpected to Minghao, Wonwoo stretched his body and grabbed Minghao’s right wrist. They laughed as none of them would give up, Minghao kept his grip on the photo and Wonwoo kept his on Minghao’s hand. 

Minghao’s body swayed along with Wonwoo’s and at some point he lost his balance. Wonwoo’s hand was pulling him at that exact moment, causing Minghao to stumble forward. Now Wonwoo got Minghao’s right hand on his knee and their faces were a hair’s breadth away from each other. With that position, Minghao’s gaze caught Wonwoo’s eyes staring straight at his, and what he saw there made him gulp.

When Minghao pulled his body away and turned towards his plate, Wonwoo didn’t immediately untangle his grip on Minghao’s hand. Minghao was the one who shook it off. 

*******************

Everything seemed soft, gentle, and pink. There’s something about spring that calmed Minghao, made him a bit more at peace. His office was near a river, and it was the week when cherry blossom fully bloomed in this area. Minghao would walk past the riverbank and enjoy the scenery of blooming pink.

But the atmosphere seemed to have no effect on Wonwoo today. The bespectacled man arrived at the office lobby looking dejected. Minghao couldn’t get the sight of Wonwoo’s hunched shoulders out of his head, so he asked Wonwoo to have lunch together at the cafeteria. It’s on the seventh floor with a large window facing the river. Minghao suggested the counter seats by the window with hope that the scenery would help cheer Wonwoo up.

“It started on Monday,” said Wonwoo as he started his story. “Didn’t realize my phone’s battery was dead. Jun came because I said earlier that I was going home early. He waited for 3 hours.”

Minghao listened and finally understood that Junhui came to Wonwoo’s place unannounced because he thought Wonwoo was home. He tried to contact Wonwoo but Wonwoo wasn’t responding due to his dead phone. Judging from Wonwoo’s description, it seemed that Junhui was angry more because Wonwoo couldn’t be contacted right after saying he’s on his way home. Maybe Junhui was worried something bad happened to Wonwoo. Minghao could relate with that.

But for now Minghao didn’t voice his thoughts to Wonwoo, only responding with nods and occasionally rephrasing Wonwoo’s sentences to show that he’s paying attention.

“And then yesterday…” Wonwoo shook his head. “…it’s my fault. I forgot that his work was being showcased in the Plaza and almost missed it.”

Minghao listened about how Junhui got a big job of decorating a prestigious event hosted by the city and had told Wonwoo many times about it. Junhui was very proud of it and Wonwoo promised to go see it, yet Wonwoo forgot about it and arrived at the venue 30 minutes before the event ended.

“Are you okay?” Minghao turned his neck to take a better look at Wonwoo who was looking down at his own hands.

“Huh? Yeah, well it feels terrible but Junhui has it worse.”

“I mean, is there anything bothering you?” Minghao tried to rephrase his question. “It just doesn’t seem like you to forget.” 

Wonwoo paused for a while, not removing his gaze from his hand.

“Oh, must be the workload. You’ve heard that Yoona got sick, right? I had to take over her tasks so I got kinda busy and it slipped my mind,” Wonwoo explained. Minghao peeked into his face and saw that Wonwoo’s eyes looked somehow empty. It’s worrying. Maybe he’s too tired.

But before Minghao could say anything, Wonwoo suddenly snapped his head up and turned to Minghao. His eyes looked like as if they were looking faraway beyond Minghao, and then they glinted. 

“Today I saw the Blind Glasses poster! They’re going to show it again in May!” Wonwoo’s eyes sparkled in excitement as he looked at Minghao. “Isn’t it, great?”

In contrast to Wonwoo’s enthusiasm, Minghao felt uneasy. Blind Glass was a stage play that Minghao had seen four years ago. He loved it so much that he went to watch it twice. At some point during their time together Minghao had told Wonwoo about it. In other circumstances, Minghao would’ve been flattered that Wonwoo remembered such small information of him. But now there’s only a mix of ugly feelings inside his chest: guilt towards Junhui, worry and disbelief towards Wonwoo, and the worst of all, the feeling of wanting to exploit this and get Wonwoo back to his side.

*******************

“What?” Feeling shocked, Minghao squinted at Wonwoo.

“I said, stay at my place,” Wonwoo repeated in louder voice. “You can go home in the morning.” It seemed that Wonwoo mistaken Minghao for not hearing him because of the heavy rain. The two of them were standing on the side of the road, just next to the bar they entered earlier. Minghao and Wonwoo had been drinking with fellow co-workers and a former colleague who just came back from America. It was a short reunion as most of them had families and needed to go home early, so after one bar they disbanded. Heavy rain poured down not long after they parted ways. Minghao and Wonwoo were the only still near the bar, and they took temporary cover under the canopy.

It’s not that Wonwoo’s voice wasn’t audible. Minghao could catch his words just fine. He just had trouble understanding what Wonwoo was saying. It was so outrageous, Minghao couldn’t believe Wonwoo really said it.

“Nah, I’ll just hang around here until it stops.” Minghao couldn’t help the hint of irritation in his voice, but Wonwoo didn’t seem to notice. Or maybe he did but chose not to address it.

“It doesn’t look like it’s going to stop soon.” Wonwoo shook his head. “You know my place is just around the corner.”

Minghao felt like exploding.  _ Of course I know, Jeon Wonwoo. _

“Nah, it’s fine.” Minghao clenched his left hand and tried to keep his voice steady. “If it doesn’t let down I’ll just get a room around here.”

“But my place is just--”

“ _ I know that. _ ” Anger slipped through Minghao’s gritted teeth.

Wonwoo scrunched his forehead as he looked at Minghao in disbelief and hurt. The sight made Minghao’s blood boil even more.

“Don’t you want us to be close like we used to?” asked Wonwoo as he gazed at Minghao’s eyes with that look. 

That was the last straw for Minghao and he yelled. “Close like the time we just got employed and were comrades of the same year? Or close like the time we played footsies under the cafeteria table and sneaked into the storage room to make out?” 

Wonwoo looked like the heavy rain just poured right on top of his head instead of around him. His eyes wavered from what looked like guilt. Minghao didn’t like to see Wonwoo suffering like that, but he couldn’t indulge this anymore… whatever _ this _ was.

Without waiting Wonwoo to say another word, Minghao turned on his heels and went out to the rain.

*******************

On the way home from office, Minghao stopped by at an organic food store just a few blocks from his company building. He just saw a recipe on Youtube and wanted to try it. As he was about to take a shopping basket, someone familiar walked towards him.

“Minghao!” 

Calling his name was Junhui, wearing a thin shirt and black pants. It was nearing autumn, but Junhui was dressed like it’s midsummer. The sight made Minghao shiver. He was wearing cardigan over his button up shirt.

They chatted by the basket rack and Junhui invited him to an event he decorated.

“It’s on the 25th! I can give you the invite,” said Junhui with excitement gleaming on his eyes. Minghao hated to see that sparkle go.

“Sorry… I won’t be around at that time…” 

“That’s too bad….” The disappointment in Junhui’s eyes was real. After knowing Junhui for about a year, no one could convince Minghao that Junhui’s words were not sincere. There’s not many people in Minghao’s life that who’s as genuine as Wonwoo’s boyfriend. 

“Oh! How about the year-end festival?” Junhui’s eyes lit up in excitement. Minghao couldn’t help but smile at the adorable sight. “I know I’m getting ahead of myself, but it’ll be fun!”

Unfortunately Minghao had to let the curves of his lips down when giving his answer. “I’ll be spending year-end in Thai.” He saw Junhui’s eyes widened and added, “Actually, I’ll be living there for a while.”

“A transfer??”

Minghao nodded. “At least one and a half year.” He chuckled when Junhui let out a disappointed “Oooh…”

After making Minghao promise to contact him during his time in Thai, Junhui gave a confused look. “But why haven’t Wonwoo told me about it?”

There’s a sting in Minghao’s chest and he had to pause for a split second before answering. “Yeah, I haven’t told him.” 

“Company secret? Got it!”

Minghao felt bad lying to Junhui but there’s no way he’d tell Junhui the truth: he’s not telling Wonwoo until he’s gone from South Korea. 

It seemed that Junhui didn’t know that Wonwoo and Minghao were barely talking. Minghao had been giving tremendous effort to avoid Junhui’s boyfriend, and thanks to his persistence, the latter gradually stopped trying to approach him. 

“Wonwoo will be lonely without you.”

Minghao’s right hand gripped onto the handle of his shopping basket tighter. 

“He’ll be fine.”

_And so will I._ Minghao repeated the words in his mind, hoping it’ll make them true.


End file.
